Back from Bulgaria Trip One

I have been so long in posting.  It seems I have been so busy, but the real reason is there are just so many emotions that I cannot even seem to find words to express what I have experienced or am feeling.  I am so thankful for the thoughts and prayers of family and friends.  It carried me through this trip.

I left for Bulgaria on December 7th and returned on the 15th.  Returning on the 15th meant I had to miss my daughter Rebekah's college graduation.  I am so proud of her for sticking it out and would have loved to see her cross that stage!  A picture is worth a thousand words ... very true but not like having the personal experience. 

I had pictures and videos of Monika, but now I have seen her and held her.  It changes things.  I thought I would be nervous and possibly have 2nd thoughts.  All I can really say is that this trip totally confirmed that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing.  I feel totally 100% at peace with this decision and even feel like many things in my life have prepared for this moment.  If there was even the slightest doubt before the trip, there is NO doubt now.  She is my daughter and I will go back for her.  I have filed the confirmation of this decision in Bulgaria and have now filed all of my US immigration paperwork.  Hopefully I will hear back from US in 3 weeks or so, then 2-3 months for Bulgaria to do their final processing.  In Bulgaria, an attorney schedules a court date and then goes and represents me in court petitioning for the adoption.  When the Bulgarian judge gives approval, she at that point becomes legally my daughter, then they let me know I can travel to pick her up.  She will become a US Citizen as soon as her feet hit the US.

OK--the trip.  We got to Sofia on Saturday night, so we had all of Sunday to rest before taking off to Burgas on Monday morning.  We did not know if anyone would be meeting us at the airport since we came in a day earlier than expected, so very happy when I saw someone holding a card with my name on it.....Stefan took us to a nice 2 bedroom apartment with full kitchen and beautiful view of the mountain.  It was cold with icy and snowy roads when we left Monday morning for Burgas.  Burgas is on the Black Sea and is the biggest sea port in Bulgaria.  Our hotel was walking distance to the sea near parks and a huge area for shopping where the roads are closed to vehicles.  The hotel was also walking distance to the orphanage.  About an hour before we arrived at the orphanage, I was told that M was in a new location.  They had moved her out of the baby house and into an older kids orphanage.  I was too shocked and upset to ask any questions at that point.  I had specifically been told that they would hold her in the place she has been since birth because it would be upsetting to her to move then be moved again when I come.  I really don't know the details that led to the move.  What I do know is that this is a new orphanage that just opened up for kids aged 7-18 boys and girls combined.  I held it together at the orphanage but back in my room that night I pretty much fell apart.  I could not understand why they would have moved her when they told me that would not happen.  Now I felt she was very vulnerable.  I visited with her that first afternoon.  The photo album was the biggest hit.  She went through the album several times.  The front page had her picture with the words "Monika's Family".then each additional page had family members with names and "titles".....like brother Stephen .. etc.  With each page she would take the picture out and say "Monika's mommy??"  or whatever applied to the pic she was holding.  It was like she needed reassurance that this really was going to be her family.  I was told later that her 3 closest friends have been adopted in the last 2 years by American families and she was sad to be left behind.  The second day she asked me if her best friend at this orphanage (a 9 year old boy) would be able to come with her to her house.  She was sad for him being left behind.

The second morning I had a big surprise.  We rang the bell to be let in the gate and in the doorway was M jumping up and down excited that I had returned.  As soon as they let her go, she came running to me and threw her arms around me in the sweetest hug.  What a great start to the day.  We were comfortable together.  We did several different activities each day.  I brought things that would help me know her developmental level along with her fine and gross motor skills.  Also specifically brought things that would be a test of her eyesight since she has one eye that seems to wander outwards.  This second day I came prepared with questions for the director, but I was not prepared (in a good way) for the answers.  Yes, Monika was moved a couple of months ago to this orphanage and she is with mixed kids 7-18, but, it is a new facility that is being run similar to a large family where there are only 15 kids total in the orphanage.  They have a staff of 3-4 workers.  They go out to school each day and are encouraged with their social skills as well as academic and art.  I actually really like the director.  She was a kind gentle lady that Monika has obviously already formed an attachment to.  She said that the workers in the baby house really miss her and have called to check on her.  She said that Monika was regressing their because the other kids were age 4 and under.  Now Monika is attending school and loves it.  There is a love for learning.  In the original videos they sent me she was doing toddler puzzles.  Now she was willing and able to do 25 piece puzzles with some help.  She has her own little quirks and personality with a little bit of stubborn mixed in.  We are a good match of personalities.  She is of a pretty calm demeanor but can get real worked up playing ball or hitting balloons.  There were a couple of physical things that were not in the original reports that I was not expecting, but in so many ways she is far beyond where I thought she would be.  She is a girly girl and loved putting every little bow I bought her in her hair...at the same time.  She also liked putting on lip gloss, brushing her hair, nail polish and jewelry.  She checked every day when she came in to see what earrings I was wearing and boy is she obsessed with cell phones.  Glad I put on toddler learning apps on before I left.  One plays nursery rhymes and sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star"  She got So excited ove this.  She knew all the words to this song in english and sang along on tune.  They must have played this at her previous orphanage as it made her very happy and we listed to it several times.

Thursday was the last day to see my girl.  I gave her the soft blanket that my friend Martha had embroidered her name in English and Bulgarian on.  She seemed to like that.  When it was time to go, she was visibly upset saying no,no,no.  She gave me a kiss and a hug and the director had her step back.  Hard day---looking forward to the reunion and praying it will go quickly.

Gotta get some sleep now.  I will try to post some pics tomorrow.

Show Hope Grant!

GREAT NEWS!!!!  I was notified by Show Hope that I will be getting a $6000 adoption grant!  God is so good!  Finances are a big part of adopting.  It is what keeps many people from moving forward with the decision to adopt.  I can say that it is intimidating, but if you are called, God will provide the resources needed for the journey.  So far I have received a $4500 grant from WACAP and approximately $5000 in fee reduction from Bulgaria for adopting a special needs child.  Family and friends have donated $1100 in addition to much prayer and emotional support.  It is so exciting to see how all these puzzle pieces are being put together.

I also found out that my file should be reviewed at the next MOJ meeting and I could hear back as early as tomorrow when I will be travelling!  I can't say my bags are packed, but I am ready to go!

Thanks again for all your prayers!

She turned 9 today

Well, the day it has been a long day with lots of reflection.  Today a little girl spent her 9th birthday in a row in the orphanage.  The same place she has been since birth.  Why is she there?  Why overlooked time and time again.  I don't know these answers but do know I am looking forward to her being my daughter and in her own home when she has her next birthday.  I have heard the waiting time is the worst part of adoption.  I would have to agree.  I know there are so many things I should be doing, but I am having such a hard time moving on and doing those last details.  I finally met someone on line that is adopting from the same city and Monika.  That family has already made their first trip and are awaiting their second trip.  Perhaps they have even seen my girl.  It is at least exciting to be able to have conversation with someone that has traveled before me and can give me some information about the city and their experience with the orphanage there.

How can you miss someone you have never met?  I don't know, but I do.  I feel like she is already mine in my heart and all this other stuff is just government having to do the legal stuff.  She has no idea her life is about to change and that there is a mommy out here that already loves her.  To her this birthday was no different than any other in her life.  To me, it is similar to pregnancy when you know that little one is there and you just can't wait to meet them and to go on to your "new normal".

I am thankful that God chose to give me 3 healthy kids.  I am thankful that He is leading me in my adventure of finding another little girl.  A little sister for my two sons and daughter.  Even though they are grown and out of the house, I know they will love her and she them.  I am thankful that Monika has a grandma that already has her beautiful handmade Christmas stocking ready to hang.  I wish she could be here this year to see that stocking but it is not looking too good for that, at least we will hopefully have many future birthday, Christmases and holidays together.

I have shopped and gotten some toys/activities to do in the orphanage for the week I am visiting.  Also got a couple of outfits to try on her on the first trip, so that I will know what size to bring when I go back to pick her up.  So thankful to my friend that has two little girls and has given me a good start in gently used cute clothes.  I remember when I was pregnant holding up all these little clothes and wondering what my baby would look like in them.  Guess what.......I still held up each outfit and smiled wondering how she was going to look wearing it.

I have so many good memories of my kids as young children.  Monika's memories will all start at the age of 9 with me.  I hope the orphanage staff can pass on some information and pictures from her younger years.

I have been looking at all things Bulgarian.   I want her to be proud of her heritage as much as she is proud of her new country.  They will both be a part of who she is.  I have been looking at recipes and traditions that can be woven into our daily lives to keep her heritage real  to her..

Big sister has been shopping for her little sister!  She is getting excited and has picked up some things.  I cannot believe I got rid of all my kids books!  Guess I really did not think I would be going down this path again, but I am so excited about this direction and the future.  I am sure that everything she needs will be provided one way or another.

I will be establishing some kind of a link for anyone who is interested in helping to bring this little girl home.  Foreign adoption is not for the feint of heart.  Even when you think you have the finances and details covered, things change.  A lot of money I had for the adoption ended up going into extensive emergency dental work and some other unexpected but unavoidable expenses.  I will be adding the link when I find out how to do that.  Any donations can be tax deductible if made out in a specific way to my adoption agency.  I may also be having a couple of fund raisers to get past these last few expenses.

Thank you to the adoptive parents that have gone before me and blogged their experiences.  I could not have asked for a greater wealth of knowledge from people who have adopted.  I read your blogs and feel like I am living each moment with you.......tears and fits of laughter.  I cannot contain my enthusiasm and have a hard time talking about anything other than adoption.  I am glad I have patient family and friends willing to listen and go through this experience with.  I may be a single mom, but, I am not alone!

Happy Birthday little Monika!  Mommy is coming soon!

Almost there.......waiting for my travel date

Well, finally my dossier is in Bulgaria.  I was told Friday that they were asking for 1 additional document.  I won't go into the details, but it basically took me from 10AM to 4:30PM to get 1 piece of paper.  The good news is that I was able to get it and send it off.  My case should be at the next MOJ meeting which means it is possible I could find out my travel dates this week!  So excited that things are moving.

I went on a shopping trip this week to buy a couple of small activities to do with Monika on my week long visit.  I also have a size 6 and 7 outfit to try on her while I am there, so that I can determine what size clothes I will need to taker for her on the return trip.  I am excited and nervous, I know leaving her is going to be soooo hard, but I am so ready to meet her and get to know her.  Thanks for all the prayers!

Bringing the Starfish Home: The Starfish Story By City Year A you...

THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS
There is a burden I have been carrying since my teenage years that is hard to describe.  The burden began when I heard and read stories of the orphans coming out of Vietnam when America pulled out of that country and then even stronger when the news stories hit showing horrid conditions or orphans in Romanian orphanages.  Children forgotten, neglected and abused.  I never knew this world existed and my heart broke for these children.  I felt a distinct calling to make a difference in the life of at least one orphan child but had great dreams of making a difference to many.  I started my crusade to get my parents and others to adopt.  Needless to say, they did not see it the same way I did.  They agreed it was horrible but also the cases seemed hopeless and bottom line they did not feel the "call" on their heart to help them.  I am sure they knew they had their hands full raising me and my 2 brothers with all the pressures of being an Airforce family with frequent moves.  I could really do nothing but the burden never went away, keeping me awake some nights, thinking and praying for orphans that I never met but cared deeply about.  Life goes on.....I went to college, married and had 3 kids of my own.  The burden never totally went away, matter of fact I discovered on line photo listings of children needing parents......children in our US Foster system and in many other countries.  I became a frequent late night visitor to ADOPTUSKIDS, Rainbow Kids and Reeces Rainbow.  I would choose certain kids to pray for and would be so upset to see them on the list year after year and so excited when some found families.  I went through difficult times in my marriage and eventually divorce.  There was no way it would have been appropriate to bring a child into my home during that time, so I naturally thought I had missed my true calling and just continued to watch the lists.   This past year, my youngest child left home.  All three of my children are on their own.  I moved from Florida and bought a house in Tennessee in the country.   As i enjoy the quietness of the country, my heart started turning back to the orphans and thinking how this would be a great place to raise a child.....but after those thoughts I would think to myself I am now too old, or I have seizures so the adoption authorities won't accept me as a prospective parent and I am a single mom.  I started looking at children and reading that in some countries, my single status nor my age were a problem.....the big question was my epilepsy.  I tried to erase the thoughts not wanting to set myself up for disappointment but the pressing burden would not go away.  It became so strong that I decided to just call an adoption agency and check it out, so that I could get it off my mind and go on.  That is when things became exciting and challenging at the same time.

The first barrier I needed to get past was my eligibility to adopt.  I am a divorced/ single mother, over 50 and have an inherited form of epilepsy.  I called the adoption agency and asked if they could find out if I qualified for any of their programs without me submitting money with the application.  They willingly agreed to do this for me and said I would qualify for their Bulgaria program.  They did not just stop there, they got my full information and submitted it to Bulgaria to make sure they would accept me as a prospective parent.  Bulgaria reviewed the file and requested a written recommendation from my neurologist.  My doctor gave a great recommendation and Bulgaria answered YES!

I am specifically interested in adopting a special needs child that a younger family would most likely not choose.  I was given the profile of an 8 year old girl that they urgently needed a home for.  After getting her full information and having a doctor specializing in international adoption review her medical file, I accepted the referral and Monika was placed on hold for me to complete my paperwork. Now I have a name and face of my future daughter.... Monika!  She is already mine in my heart.

Next step to start the homestudy, including physical and background checks.

I just recently moved to Tennessee, so I did not yet have a family doctor and the one recommended could not get me in for over 2 months as a new patient.  So I found a walk in clinic with a doctor that was willing to do the physical and complete the form.  I talked to the office staff, explaining what I needed, they were doubtful that the doctor would complete the required form because of my seizures.  I made the appointment anyway and brought with me the letter from my neurologist.  When the doctor came into the room he completed the physical then sat down and said, "I really have a heart for adoption, my wife and I have 4 kids and adopted 2 children a couple of years ago from Russia and next year we are going back to pick up 2 more kids (twins) from China".  Needless to say, he completed the paperwork and sent me on my way!  Was this just a coincidence that I ended up in that clinic on the only day of the week that this doctor works in that location??  I know it was no coincidence.

Next stop, police station for local background/criminal record check.  On the way to the office, I received a phone message that was probably the most hurtful message I have ever received.  I won't go into details, but will just say that someone that I love and care about was/is very against the adoption to the point of not recommending me.  I will never fully understand the reasons but it was a huge blow and I almost turned around and went home.  Instead, I continued to the police station to get the background checks with a heavy heart.  When I got the window the lady was abrupt to the point of being rude.......basically I needed cash, they would not take debit, check or credit.  So I left to find an ATM and again questioned whether I should continue.  I did go back, but this time another lady was behind the window.  This lady saw that it was for an adoption and said "I really have a heart for this!  She was just a young girl in her twenties.  She had gone with her church on a mission trip to Africa years ago and the day she arrived an abandoned new born boy was found.  She was given the job of taking care of this baby for the length of her trip.  She of course fell in love with him.  She came back to Tennessee and campaigned for two years to find a couple that would  adopt him, but everyone said no.  She finally felt like God was speaking to her heart and telling her that she was meant to be his mother.  She is a young, white, single girl and completed the paperwork to adopt this little boy.  It took her three years to go through the process and bring her little boy home.  She pulled out pictures to show me what he looked like when she first saw him, when he came home with her and what he looked like now at the age of 10."  I was crying my eyes out by the end of her story.  When I pulled out my money to pay...she replied "I've got this one" and refused my money.  How sweet is God to confirm what He has put in my heart when I was in hurting in the depths of my heart.

My home study went smoothly.  The young woman that did the study came from a large family that had a mixture of bio, adopted and foster children.  She had a lot of good advice and ideas for me, but most of all, she was just so encouraging.  She was positive, she believes adoption is the way to change a child's life and that every child deserves a home.  She encouraged me to home school when Monika comes home for at least the first year.  This is new and scary territory for me, but I will do what is needed to make sure Monika is healthy, with good attachment and a future.  I have started making some contacts with other mothers that have home schooled, I know I will need lots of information and support.

Home study completed, my I800A application sent to immigration and has been approved.  Now I am waiting on a single letter from the FBI showing I cleared the background check before my file will go to Bulgaria and I can get my travel dates.  It all still seems so unreal, like it could be snatched away at any moment.  I can hardly wait to travel to meet Monika and spend time with her.....I am sure it will then be very real to me.  Right now it is so encouraging to read blogs from others who have been through or are going through this process.  We obviously share one heart for the children.

Time Line

January 2012 -- I first contacted WACAP regarding their "Waiting Children" list.  I discussed with her my 3 main obstacles to adoption...1) my age- I am a single mother  and have already raised 3 children, so I am older than the typical adoptive parent.  2)  I am on a very limited income, so my financial resources will be stretched to make this happen.  3) The largest issue is that I have Epilepsy and will need a country that would be willing to let me adopt with this condition.  I asked for an exception to their normal application process.  I did not want to send in money or invest myself fully emotionally into this process if it was not possible for me to adopt.  My reason for adopting, is to provide a loving home to a child that normally would not have a big chance of being adopted by a family. Through process of elimination, it seems Bulgaria will be the only country that may accept me as an adoptive paren.  They have quite a few "waiting children" in Bulgaria with various disabilities that make them at high risk for not being adopted.  If they age out of the system, their future is bleak, many times prostitution is their plight.  My original information was sent directly to Bulgaria for review and they said the would not decline me based on above information, so I should proceed with the application if I am interested.  I completed the application and requested information on several waiting children, all with various levels of disability.

February  2012 -- I got an e-mail asking me to consider an 8 year old girl (she was not on my request list).  The message said this is an urgent need as they were trying to find her a family before she was moved to an older child institution.  Her caregivers are trying to delay her move because they are concerned she will not do well there.  It describes "Natalie" (made up name) as having an "uncertain gait" and mildly delayed in development.  WACAP has agreed to reduce their fees by $4500 and the Bulgarian agency will reduce their fees up to $5000 in order to place her quickly.  I asked to see her file.  I forwarded a requested letter from my neurologist stating I would be physically fit to parent. I received the medical file along with pictures and videos.  I forwarded her medical file to a pediatrician that specializes in international adoptions from Eastern Europe.  I also started my required education classes, my home study and the long process of filling out the necessary paperwork.

March 2012 -- I AM CHOSEN TO BE MOM!!!  I found out that "Natalie" is really Monika and her birth date is 10-20-2003.  I received more complete medical information.  I was officially "matched" to Monika by Bulgarian authorities and she has been removed from the adoption list, meaning she is "locked" in to me pending complete home study and required documentation. 

April 2012 -- PAPERWORK, HOMESTUDY & EDUCATION CLASSES.......that is all I have to say about this tedious month

May 2012 -- Home study is complete and I am officially accepted into the Bulgarian program and now am preparing dossier documents.

June 2012 -- Completed immigration forms and received instructions to go to Atlanta for FBI fingerprinting required for immigration approval.  I am told that to complete my dossier I will need to have immigration approval.

July 2012 -- I received immigration approval in record time.  Now my dossier should be ready for Bulgaria so that I can get my legal match and invitation to travel for my first one week visit to meet Monika.  BUT---COMPLICATION WITH FINGERPRINTS-- I am informed that the FBI fingerprints from immigration will not be enough to satisfy Bulgaria and that I should go get another set of electronic FBI fingerprints taken.  I went to a place in Cleveland, TN and had these done.  The prints were rejected by Bulgaria because they say the prints were taken by Tennessee and sent to FBI for verification.  They want it to come from the FBI not TN.  I was told to go again for electronic prints but go to an FBI "channeler".  Went to Chattanooga to get these prints and once again Bulgaria rejected the prints.  It is not in the format they prefer and I am advised to complete ink print cards rather than electronic.  I am told that I can go to a police department for these prints.  Very frustrating, I have now paid for 3 sets of FBI fingerprints and still do not have what is needed.  Oh well, push forward.

The Starfish Story

By City Year

A young girl was walking along a beach upon which thousands of starfish had been washed up during a terrible storm. When she came to each starfish, she would pick it up, and throw it back into the ocean. People watched her with amusement.

She had been doing this for some time when a man approached her and said, “Little girl, why are you doing this? Look at this beach! You can’t save all these starfish. You can’t begin to make a difference!”

The girl seemed crushed, suddenly deflated. But after a few moments, she bent down, picked up another starfish, and hurled it as far as she could into the ocean. Then she looked up at the man and replied,

“Well, I made a difference to that one!”

The old man looked at the girl inquisitively and thought about what she had done and said. Inspired, he joined the little girl in throwing starfish back into the sea. Soon others joined, and all the starfish were saved. - adapted from the Star Thrower by Loren C. Eiseley

I have heard several versions of this story but they all have the same meaning.  I feel like the little girl.  There are thousands of orphans in the world.  I became very aware of this in my teen years with the Vietnamese baby lift and the news reports on the horrors that Romanian Orphans endured.  At that time, I felt strongly I wanted to do something about it.  This desire has burned inside of me since that time.  But, as life would have it, I got married, had three great kids and the circumstances to try to make a difference never seemed possible.  Now my kids are grown and supporting themselves and I find myself living in Tennessee in a home with plenty of space and a peaceful country setting.  The whisper in my ear has gotten louder until I can no longer ignore the call.  It is time for me to act.  I can't help all the orphans out there, but it seems God has opened doors for me to help one of them.  This blog is to share our story as it unfolds and perhaps in doing that, it will encourage others to open their eyes to help some other little ones out there that are so desperate for someone to stop and see them and give them the love they so desperately need.  Not everyone is meant to adopt, but all can help in some way.....financially, through prayer, by donating time or items needed, giving parents of adopted kids a needed break.  There are way too many things to list, but you can use your imagination or contact your local foster care for ideas or an adoption agency for ideas.