I have been so long in posting. It seems I have been so busy, but the real reason is there are just so many emotions that I cannot even seem to find words to express what I have experienced or am feeling. I am so thankful for the thoughts and prayers of family and friends. It carried me through this trip.
I left for Bulgaria on December 7th and returned on the 15th. Returning on the 15th meant I had to miss my daughter Rebekah's college graduation. I am so proud of her for sticking it out and would have loved to see her cross that stage! A picture is worth a thousand words ... very true but not like having the personal experience.
I had pictures and videos of Monika, but now I have seen her and held her. It changes things. I thought I would be nervous and possibly have 2nd thoughts. All I can really say is that this trip totally confirmed that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I feel totally 100% at peace with this decision and even feel like many things in my life have prepared for this moment. If there was even the slightest doubt before the trip, there is NO doubt now. She is my daughter and I will go back for her. I have filed the confirmation of this decision in Bulgaria and have now filed all of my US immigration paperwork. Hopefully I will hear back from US in 3 weeks or so, then 2-3 months for Bulgaria to do their final processing. In Bulgaria, an attorney schedules a court date and then goes and represents me in court petitioning for the adoption. When the Bulgarian judge gives approval, she at that point becomes legally my daughter, then they let me know I can travel to pick her up. She will become a US Citizen as soon as her feet hit the US.
OK--the trip. We got to Sofia on Saturday night, so we had all of Sunday to rest before taking off to Burgas on Monday morning. We did not know if anyone would be meeting us at the airport since we came in a day earlier than expected, so very happy when I saw someone holding a card with my name on it.....Stefan took us to a nice 2 bedroom apartment with full kitchen and beautiful view of the mountain. It was cold with icy and snowy roads when we left Monday morning for Burgas. Burgas is on the Black Sea and is the biggest sea port in Bulgaria. Our hotel was walking distance to the sea near parks and a huge area for shopping where the roads are closed to vehicles. The hotel was also walking distance to the orphanage. About an hour before we arrived at the orphanage, I was told that M was in a new location. They had moved her out of the baby house and into an older kids orphanage. I was too shocked and upset to ask any questions at that point. I had specifically been told that they would hold her in the place she has been since birth because it would be upsetting to her to move then be moved again when I come. I really don't know the details that led to the move. What I do know is that this is a new orphanage that just opened up for kids aged 7-18 boys and girls combined. I held it together at the orphanage but back in my room that night I pretty much fell apart. I could not understand why they would have moved her when they told me that would not happen. Now I felt she was very vulnerable. I visited with her that first afternoon. The photo album was the biggest hit. She went through the album several times. The front page had her picture with the words "Monika's Family".then each additional page had family members with names and "titles".....like brother Stephen .. etc. With each page she would take the picture out and say "Monika's mommy??" or whatever applied to the pic she was holding. It was like she needed reassurance that this really was going to be her family. I was told later that her 3 closest friends have been adopted in the last 2 years by American families and she was sad to be left behind. The second day she asked me if her best friend at this orphanage (a 9 year old boy) would be able to come with her to her house. She was sad for him being left behind.
The second morning I had a big surprise. We rang the bell to be let in the gate and in the doorway was M jumping up and down excited that I had returned. As soon as they let her go, she came running to me and threw her arms around me in the sweetest hug. What a great start to the day. We were comfortable together. We did several different activities each day. I brought things that would help me know her developmental level along with her fine and gross motor skills. Also specifically brought things that would be a test of her eyesight since she has one eye that seems to wander outwards. This second day I came prepared with questions for the director, but I was not prepared (in a good way) for the answers. Yes, Monika was moved a couple of months ago to this orphanage and she is with mixed kids 7-18, but, it is a new facility that is being run similar to a large family where there are only 15 kids total in the orphanage. They have a staff of 3-4 workers. They go out to school each day and are encouraged with their social skills as well as academic and art. I actually really like the director. She was a kind gentle lady that Monika has obviously already formed an attachment to. She said that the workers in the baby house really miss her and have called to check on her. She said that Monika was regressing their because the other kids were age 4 and under. Now Monika is attending school and loves it. There is a love for learning. In the original videos they sent me she was doing toddler puzzles. Now she was willing and able to do 25 piece puzzles with some help. She has her own little quirks and personality with a little bit of stubborn mixed in. We are a good match of personalities. She is of a pretty calm demeanor but can get real worked up playing ball or hitting balloons. There were a couple of physical things that were not in the original reports that I was not expecting, but in so many ways she is far beyond where I thought she would be. She is a girly girl and loved putting every little bow I bought her in her hair...at the same time. She also liked putting on lip gloss, brushing her hair, nail polish and jewelry. She checked every day when she came in to see what earrings I was wearing and boy is she obsessed with cell phones. Glad I put on toddler learning apps on before I left. One plays nursery rhymes and sang "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" She got So excited ove this. She knew all the words to this song in english and sang along on tune. They must have played this at her previous orphanage as it made her very happy and we listed to it several times.
Thursday was the last day to see my girl. I gave her the soft blanket that my friend Martha had embroidered her name in English and Bulgarian on. She seemed to like that. When it was time to go, she was visibly upset saying no,no,no. She gave me a kiss and a hug and the director had her step back. Hard day---looking forward to the reunion and praying it will go quickly.
Gotta get some sleep now. I will try to post some pics tomorrow.
