THE HIGHS AND THE LOWS
There is a burden I have been carrying since my teenage years that is hard to describe. The burden began when I heard and read stories of the orphans coming out of Vietnam when America pulled out of that country and then even stronger when the news stories hit showing horrid conditions or orphans in Romanian orphanages. Children forgotten, neglected and abused. I never knew this world existed and my heart broke for these children. I felt a distinct calling to make a difference in the life of at least one orphan child but had great dreams of making a difference to many. I started my crusade to get my parents and others to adopt. Needless to say, they did not see it the same way I did. They agreed it was horrible but also the cases seemed hopeless and bottom line they did not feel the "call" on their heart to help them. I am sure they knew they had their hands full raising me and my 2 brothers with all the pressures of being an Airforce family with frequent moves. I could really do nothing but the burden never went away, keeping me awake some nights, thinking and praying for orphans that I never met but cared deeply about. Life goes on.....I went to college, married and had 3 kids of my own. The burden never totally went away, matter of fact I discovered on line photo listings of children needing parents......children in our US Foster system and in many other countries. I became a frequent late night visitor to ADOPTUSKIDS, Rainbow Kids and Reeces Rainbow. I would choose certain kids to pray for and would be so upset to see them on the list year after year and so excited when some found families. I went through difficult times in my marriage and eventually divorce. There was no way it would have been appropriate to bring a child into my home during that time, so I naturally thought I had missed my true calling and just continued to watch the lists. This past year, my youngest child left home. All three of my children are on their own. I moved from Florida and bought a house in Tennessee in the country. As i enjoy the quietness of the country, my heart started turning back to the orphans and thinking how this would be a great place to raise a child.....but after those thoughts I would think to myself I am now too old, or I have seizures so the adoption authorities won't accept me as a prospective parent and I am a single mom. I started looking at children and reading that in some countries, my single status nor my age were a problem.....the big question was my epilepsy. I tried to erase the thoughts not wanting to set myself up for disappointment but the pressing burden would not go away. It became so strong that I decided to just call an adoption agency and check it out, so that I could get it off my mind and go on. That is when things became exciting and challenging at the same time.
The first barrier I needed to get past was my eligibility to adopt. I am a divorced/ single mother, over 50 and have an inherited form of epilepsy. I called the adoption agency and asked if they could find out if I qualified for any of their programs without me submitting money with the application. They willingly agreed to do this for me and said I would qualify for their Bulgaria program. They did not just stop there, they got my full information and submitted it to Bulgaria to make sure they would accept me as a prospective parent. Bulgaria reviewed the file and requested a written recommendation from my neurologist. My doctor gave a great recommendation and Bulgaria answered YES!
I am specifically interested in adopting a special needs child that a younger family would most likely not choose. I was given the profile of an 8 year old girl that they urgently needed a home for. After getting her full information and having a doctor specializing in international adoption review her medical file, I accepted the referral and Monika was placed on hold for me to complete my paperwork. Now I have a name and face of my future daughter.... Monika! She is already mine in my heart.
Next step to start the homestudy, including physical and background checks.
I just recently moved to Tennessee, so I did not yet have a family doctor and the one recommended could not get me in for over 2 months as a new patient. So I found a walk in clinic with a doctor that was willing to do the physical and complete the form. I talked to the office staff, explaining what I needed, they were doubtful that the doctor would complete the required form because of my seizures. I made the appointment anyway and brought with me the letter from my neurologist. When the doctor came into the room he completed the physical then sat down and said, "I really have a heart for adoption, my wife and I have 4 kids and adopted 2 children a couple of years ago from Russia and next year we are going back to pick up 2 more kids (twins) from China". Needless to say, he completed the paperwork and sent me on my way! Was this just a coincidence that I ended up in that clinic on the only day of the week that this doctor works in that location?? I know it was no coincidence.
Next stop, police station for local background/criminal record check. On the way to the office, I received a phone message that was probably the most hurtful message I have ever received. I won't go into details, but will just say that someone that I love and care about was/is very against the adoption to the point of not recommending me. I will never fully understand the reasons but it was a huge blow and I almost turned around and went home. Instead, I continued to the police station to get the background checks with a heavy heart. When I got the window the lady was abrupt to the point of being rude.......basically I needed cash, they would not take debit, check or credit. So I left to find an ATM and again questioned whether I should continue. I did go back, but this time another lady was behind the window. This lady saw that it was for an adoption and said "I really have a heart for this! She was just a young girl in her twenties. She had gone with her church on a mission trip to Africa years ago and the day she arrived an abandoned new born boy was found. She was given the job of taking care of this baby for the length of her trip. She of course fell in love with him. She came back to Tennessee and campaigned for two years to find a couple that would adopt him, but everyone said no. She finally felt like God was speaking to her heart and telling her that she was meant to be his mother. She is a young, white, single girl and completed the paperwork to adopt this little boy. It took her three years to go through the process and bring her little boy home. She pulled out pictures to show me what he looked like when she first saw him, when he came home with her and what he looked like now at the age of 10." I was crying my eyes out by the end of her story. When I pulled out my money to pay...she replied "I've got this one" and refused my money. How sweet is God to confirm what He has put in my heart when I was in hurting in the depths of my heart.
My home study went smoothly. The young woman that did the study came from a large family that had a mixture of bio, adopted and foster children. She had a lot of good advice and ideas for me, but most of all, she was just so encouraging. She was positive, she believes adoption is the way to change a child's life and that every child deserves a home. She encouraged me to home school when Monika comes home for at least the first year. This is new and scary territory for me, but I will do what is needed to make sure Monika is healthy, with good attachment and a future. I have started making some contacts with other mothers that have home schooled, I know I will need lots of information and support.
Home study completed, my I800A application sent to immigration and has been approved. Now I am waiting on a single letter from the FBI showing I cleared the background check before my file will go to Bulgaria and I can get my travel dates. It all still seems so unreal, like it could be snatched away at any moment. I can hardly wait to travel to meet Monika and spend time with her.....I am sure it will then be very real to me. Right now it is so encouraging to read blogs from others who have been through or are going through this process. We obviously share one heart for the children.
