A new start in America

Life in America......is big and exciting and pretty scary.  So many things to experience for the first time.
Coming home with a 9 year old from orphanage life is sort of like coming home with a toddler, except they are taller and able to undo the childproof locks.  The same curiosity is there.  There are so many things she has not experienced and so much she wants to touch, feel, SMELL, etc.  She smells everything and everyone.  It is part of discovering her new world.  She had no concept of "hot", or "sharp", so we have experienced some of this in the kitchen, but fortunately nothing too bad.

While we were in Bulgaria, our friend Maureen totally decorated Monika's bedroom.  The first thing Monika had to say about that is that now she is a princess.

Sitting on her bed with her girly pajamas and princess crown.

More of her bedroom with "M" for Monika, the lighted flower lights and mirror.  She loves her room and loves having the mirror to admire herself after she gets dressed each day.

She loves spending time with grandma & grandpa.

Her new bike!

Did I say this kid could eat ??? I really have never seen anything like it.  She LOVES food.  She has gained 10 pounds since leaving the hospital and still is only on the 5th percentile for weight and BMI, on the 25th percentile for height.  She does not care for American fast food......could totally live without hamburgers, fries, chicken nuggets and macaroni.  But LOVES salad, vegetables meat, and will eat an adult sized serving of pretty much everything.  She is not crazy about most sweets but does like some chocolate here and there.  

This is a picture of a salad made by Monika.  I let her put whatever she wanted in it.  She had lettuce, cucumber, tomato, onion, peas, corn, olives, egg, and feta.  Yes.....she did eat the whole thing then ate all of her dinner.

Two weeks of "firsts"

Monika left orphan life exactly 2 weeks ago today. Every day is new and exciting and sometimes a bit scary.  She changed tremendously from the time I saw her in December 2012 to our pick up date of June 28, 2013.  In the "baby house" her communication was limited due in part to being with all younger kids.  Her conversational language has exploded.  She has no problem saying what she wants/ needs/ likes/ dislikes......the bigger problem is mama understanding what she is saying.  She is a pretty happy kid and will try anything once.

On pick up day, she had a new experience of leaving behind the familiar orphanage surroundings and people and going into the unknown.  It was very scary for her and she clung to me for comfort.  She also saw pigeons on the sidewalks and was pretty freaked out that they would come after her.  She is so brave.  It really just took some calm talking a hugs to get her past these new experiences.  She really can be quite a little character, laughing at herself as well as anyone or anything else she finds amusing.
In restaurants in Bulgaria she talked confidently with waiters in Bulgarian and they all laughed at the things she would divulge to them.  We had no way of knowing if this was a good or bad thing. but we were happy that she was happy.  In the orphanage, she was still taking a nap every afternoon.  Since I was sharing a bed with her in the apartment, I would lay down with her and she would reach over and hold my hand and put her forehead against mine to fall asleep each time.  She slept really well.  Now that we are back in America we are trying to find out what works for us here.  She is having a harder time sleeping and staying asleep in this new environment.

It was obvious in Bulgaria that she had a pretty strong fear of all animals.  In my house there are 2 dogs, a cat and a parrot.  That was a pretty much what we had to concentrate on the first couple of days.  Since my service dog is by my side 24/7, she had to adjust.  She has come a long way and will pet him without prompting now.  However, she is very upset if her touches her with his nose or licks her.  They are both learning to adjust.  Rex is great and is going at her pace.

First trip to mall in Bulgaria there was the mechanical car that kids sit in and the car moves when you put in a coin.  She sat in the car and loved it, but them when we put the coin in, her first reaction was panic, then once she realized it was not going to take her anywhere, she laughed hysterically.  It was so much fun to her!

Many new foods to try.  She is a wonderful eater, preferring veggies, legumes & salad over most other foods.  She loves Shopska salad (cucumbers, onion and tomatoes), not crazy about bread but will eat it.  She refused olives, fruit smoothy and choc cake after first trying them.  She fits right in here at our little farm as she will eat everything we grow.

Favorite time of day is definitely eating followed by taking a shower.  She asks every day if she will be able to take a shower today......this cracks me up!

She is SOOOOO affectionate.  Hugging and kissing me all day long.  Smiling at me constantly.  She does show affection to others also, but does seem to have some boundaries in the levels of affection she shows to others.  She fell in love with Grandma at first sight and is very comfortable around her and grandpa.

She is a home body.  I have only taken her out a few times.....to Dr Office, to Grandma's house, to pick up my meds, and SS office.  She definitely is nervous and overstimulated going out.  So for now, we are trying to keep things simple, until she is used to her environment.

Well,she is kissing me and wanting attention now, so guess that is it for this writing.

Near our apartment in a restaurant with traditional Bulgarian food and dancers.

In the apartment trying on glow in the dark glasses.

In the apartment wearing another outfit from her big sister.

On the plane (before the big freak out moment when the engines came on)

Charlotte NC, a new American Citizen on July 4th, 2013 !!

Emergency Surgery and the week in Sofia

Leaving the hospital in Burgas and returning to Sofia is one of the hardest things I have ever done. There were valid reasons that I had to do this, but it felt so wrong leaving her.  The hospital is not like what I am used to here.  It had no A/C and very little nursing staff.  The orphanage director took it upon herself to pay orphanage staff workers to be by Monika's side 24/7.  The room was pretty bare.  There were no chairs for staff or visitors, so the staff workers had to stand the entire shift next to her bed trying to do whatever it took to make her comfortable.  They fanned her with paper to cool her off, talked softly to her and rubbed or patted her back.  They were incredibly patient and loving to her.  I did feel like they would be there for her as I returned to Sofia.

I did not know when I left Monday that around an hour after I left, she would face a life threatening seizure.  She went into seizure due to the pressure of the fluid in the brain and did not come out of the seizure, so they put her under anesthesia and made the decision to do emergency shunt replacement.  I was told that the surgeon and his fast acting saved her life that night.

I was told that I would need to stay in Sofia rather than return to Burgas.  Partly because Monika was in ICU and could have no visitors, and partly because my presence was making her to excited/nervous and she was not resting well with me there.  We were able to see a few sights in Sofia that week.  I was not really in the mood for sight seeing when I knew my little girl was sick in the hospital, but also knew that staying in the apartment 24/7 was not a good thing.  I do have to say, the food in Bulgaria is the best food I have experienced anywhere and was very fresh.  The salads were great, the cheese saurces were to die for.  I want to try to replicate some of these recipes when things calm down a little.

So, I spent the rest of the week in Sofia with daily updates of Monika's progress.  The shunt replacement was a success and she was recovering well.  On Wednesday evening, I received word that the neurosurgeon said I could check her out of the hospital on Friday.  Friday morning, we had to leave at 4:30AM in order to get to Burgas in time for check out. When we got there, it was so shocking to see Monika skip down the hallway to give me hugs and kisses.  I would never have dreamed she could make such a quick recovery and am so thankful to those who prayed for this to happen.  I had a meeting with the neurosurgeon and interpreter, explaining the surgery and what precautions I should take.  She basically could eat anything she wanted, just better to stay out of the sun to keep from being overheated and do calm indoor activities until we had clearance from her US doctor.  I also met at the hospital with the orphanage director to sign over all necessary custody papers.

Mrs Vitanova (orphanage director) & "Kilinka" with Monika checking out of hospital.  These two women showed extraordinary love and care for my little girl when she could not take care of herself.  The hospital was a harsh environment.  No A/C and no modern devices or machines hooked up to show a patient needed help.  They literally stood by Monika's side (there were no chairs) in that hot room and fanned her to try to keep her cool and comfortable.  One of the hospital workers was really rude to them, seems like she thought an orphan wasn't worth the effort and their being there was making her go to extra effort in her care.  I will always be thankful for these women.  There was no money in the budget to hire a private nurse and with no family, Monika would have been left alone in a bed and would not have survived the ordeal.

Karen (left) Monika & I (right) saying goodbye to the orphanage workers that came to say good bye to Monika.  They each had a small gift for Monika.  They also let her leave in the orphanage clothes and shoes she was dressed in that morning and packed a bag with several outfits a chocolate fruit cake and bananas for her to snack on.  They cried as we drove off.  I truly think they cared for Monika and will miss her, but were also happy she had a family now.

Kids from the orphanage had requested to come say good bye to Monika, but it was decided that would be too much emotional excitement for her to handle.  The director and 3 of the orphanage staff came to see her off.  They each gave her a gift.  She got a shirt and hat that said Burgas, a talking book, Bulgarian magnets, homemade chocolate/orange cake, large milka candy bar.  They also sent her with 3 outfits and a pair of shoes.  All the gifts I had left on the previous trip along with those I mailed to her, were all packed for her to take home.  It was so obvious the staff loved her and cared for her.  They were all crying as we said our good byes. Karen and I cried too.  Monika seemed confused by all the commotion.

Our driver/ interpreter was great with Monika.  He explained that if she felt sick or strange at any time, to let him know and he would pull the car over.  That happened 3 times in the first 30 minutes.  The last time she just cried her heart out, wanting to know if she would ever again see her friends.  She was so frightened of what lay ahead and the fear was just overtaking her.  I asked if she could sit in my lap, she jumped at that chance and just clung to my neck like she would never let go.  Her whole body was shaking in fear but she stopped crying.  3 hours into the trip, she finally fell asleep.  We had to go straight to the Bulgarian police immigration office on Friday when we arrived in Sofia for her to get her Bulgarian passport.  On the way into the office there was  a pigeon on the side walk, she was very afraid of the birds.  It seemed she had never seen one before.  Other than that, all went smoothly and we got back to the apartment to spend our first evening and night together as family.

Picture of Monika and I in the car on the way to Sofia on Gotcha Day.

Self portrait taken by Monika when she was playing with my iPhone at a gas stop on the way to Sofia on Gotcha Day.

Picture of Monika coloring in our apartment in Sofia.  This shows how her head was shaved for her emergency surgery.  They ended up not cutting the head.  She had two surgical incisions, one on her neck and the other on her stomach.

Saturday and Sunday were just days to relax and get to know each other.  Monday was the day for the

doctor check up required for her American VISA.  That went well.  Tuesday we had our "interview" with the Embassy.  We were able to get tickets to fly to USA on July 4th.  Monika would become an American Citizen on the day we celebrate American freedom and Independence.

Pick up day......NOT

The starfish is sitting next to me eating cookies.  7 days ago I could not even imagine that.  God is good and answers the many prayers of His people.

My friend Karen came on this pick up trip with me and I have to say the trip itself was free of complications, just long as always.  We stopped in Canada and ate cheese burgers and fries.  Next stop was Frankfort Germany where we had Bratwurst.  Got to Sofia in the afternoon in time to have an evening meal at a little restaurant nearby.....Schnitzel.  It was Sunday and we were scheduled to be picked up by a taxi with our interpreter to fly to Burgas pick Monika up and bring her to Sofia.  We did not know we were going to have a complicated day.  On the way to the airport, we were told that Monika had been very sick and in the hospital since Friday (4 days).  A few minutes later, one of us started become panicked when she realized she had no idea where her passport and money bag was.  U-turn by taxi to go back to apartment.  After looking every where in apartment without finding it, we returned to taxi with a photocopy of the passport and original drivers license.  We did not think it would work, but had to head back to airport.  On way to airport, one more search of backpack revealed money bag with passport had slipped inside the inflatable airplane pillow holder.  We had it!

Got to airport in Sofia.  Plane was 1-1/2 hour delayed.  Interpreter kept getting calls from various people about Monika and things started to get confusing.  First we were told that I could check her out of hospital, but take her back to orphanage to rest in familiar place during day then pick her up for good in the evening on way to airport.  Our plane was not supposed to leave until 9 pm.  Next message said she had taken a bad turn, so would stay in hospital until I checked her out in evening.
Another message indicating the pick up may not be possible.  When we landed in Burgas, we went by taxi straight to the hospital.  She was in a neurology ward.  It was not visiting hours, which they enforce strictly.  The neurosurgeon got us past the guards.  When I saw Monika I was shocked at her condition.  She was thin when I saw her in Dec, but  now was skin and bones having not been able to eat for over a week.  She was on IV for fluids and still throwing up with horrible head pain.  Too weak to hold her head up but still trying her best to smile.  It was obvious to me, this would not be a pick up day.  The neuro surgeon came in and said while we were flying Monika had a seizure and cat scan revealed her shunt that was put in as an infant for hydrocephalus was not working and fluid was building up in the brain.  I spent the day with her and her caregivers.  A caregiver had to be with her 24 hours a day.  They were VERY loving to her and it was so good for me to see this and see how well she related to them.  Unfortunately, after a long day I had to return to Sofia without her.  That will be the subject of another blog.  Tuesday morning I received a call saying Monika had to have emergency surgery replacing shunt Monday after I left.

Monika on the Monday that should have been pick up day in the Hospital in Burgas.

Even in her weak state and in pain, she managed a smile for her mama :)

Finally going to pick up the starfish!!

There are so many emotions running high right now.  Monika legally became my daughter and her name was changed to Monika Grace Andrews.  She has a new birth certificate as proof of this change.  It is strange to know I have a daughter a world away and that I cannot pick her up and bring her home immediately.  The good news is, I have finally been given a date.  I will travel (along with my friend

Karen) two weeks from today.  Monika will walk out of the orphanage for good on Monday June 24th.

That is her Uncle Dave's birthday.  An exciting and appropriate "Gotcha Date" since Uncle Dave travelled with me on the first trip to meet her and has been 100% supportive the whole way. 

When I started this journey, I knew one thing.  I felt and still do feel God is calling me to make a difference to the life of an orphan.  I knew for me it was not about sending money or volunteering.  I have done both of those things, this was different.  I felt STRONGLY that this time, I was to bring one home.  In many ways, it makes no sense.  Why would a 50+ year old lady with epilepsy, 3 grown children and not a high income want to start over with another child?  Because I know deep in my heart that I was born for a time like this.  We all are called to a purpose and each of us has to make a decision at some point in our life if we are going to do what it takes to fulfill this purpose.

This has been a journey of extreme highs and lows, and I haven't even really started yet.  The real start date is June 24th.  I am so fortunate to have supportive family and friends that have helped, prayed and encouraged me along the way.  I have had much time for reflection and research.  I am glad I did not know in advance the difficulties I would encounter......I am a "Moses" in personality......do not like conflict and would prefer for someone to just let me know the plan.....the whole plan.  I thought I had it all figured out when I went into this, but do we ever have it all figured out.  I think not.

Friends and family have been so generous.  I feel like Monika has everything she needs.  Clothes, toys, her room, family, friends.  It will be extremely overwhelming to her at first.  For 9 years she only left the orphanage grounds when medical care was needed.  Now the orphanage she was moved into this past November, put her in a smaller and better environment, where she was able to attend school, but still extremely limited experience out of the orphanage.  She has to learn a new language, culture, how to live in a family, how to love, etc.  Because of these huge changes, her time out of the house will be

very limited at first.  We will not be going to church or other large group settings until she is settled in.

Visitors will be limited to a few family members and close friends that want to come one family at time.

I learned SOOO much from the "Empowered to Connect Conference".  The conference was eye opening on how to work with children that have never been in a family and had that experience of closely connecting to another person.  There will be many things I will be working with her on helping to make those connections.  The connections have to be made almost like that of an infant with the mom providing for all needs and creating a relationship where Monika will be totally dependent on me for all needs until we have established a trust where she know I will take care of her.  During this period, it is fine for others to talk to her and interact with her.  But all needs have to be met by me, specifically food/drink needs because that is an area that she has never had anyone totally meet that need for her.  If you want to understand more, google "Empowered to Connect" and listen to some of the videos or read information put out by Karyn Purvis.

Many have asked if there is anything else needed.  Most of what Monika needs when she gets home is already here.  Because of her lack of healthy food, it is recommended I offer her a healthy snack/juice every 2 hours.  Food will be a big practical need when we get home.  Snack crackers, fruits, fruit juice, yogurt, cheese, etc.   

Really the biggest need right now is finances.  All the final fees are due and I had enough to cover that, but because of the delays in paperwork, I am now flying at the most expensive time of year into Bulgaria.  The fees are double what I had to pay for the last trip.  This trip will cost over $5700 not including my Bulgarian country fees, food or some of the in country transportation costs.  I was not expecting this, but I do know that God was and He will provide.  God does not call us without providing what is needed to answer that call, so I am looking forward to seeing how He again shows that He is in control of the whole situation.  

I have gotten a few e-mails from my readers but would LOVE to hear from some of you.  When I hear your thoughts on the blog, it lets me know that I am not writing this for my own information, although it does help me to look back.  I would love to answer any questions or if you are considering adopting, I would love to pray for you.  Please pray for us as we begin this new phase of our journey.  I loved my short term mission trip to Russia.  I will always have fond memories of that special time and am so glad I went.  This is a long term mission trip.  Not an easy road to take, but a life time commitment.

Please pray for Monika's adjustment and my own as I dive back in to parenting.  Pray for wisdom in knowing how to meet her physical, emotional and spiritual needs.  Pray that our communication with each other will grow amazingly fast.  Pray for a strong bond in each of us, as I will have to go through the bonding process with her and she with me.  Pray our time in Bulgaria goes smoothly.

Thank you for loving us enough to pray through easy/good times and difficult times.

Monika received her first package

I received an e-mail stating that Monika received her first package.  I know it seems like a small thing but to me it is big.  Each thing is a positive step in the right direction.  It had a talking toy that said each letter of the alphabet and sound it makes when pressed, a button that had music, and a little game button.  It is a small V-tech toy sort of like a large cell phone.  She loved our cell phones while we were there, so it just seemed like the perfect thing for her.  I also included one outfit and enough bubble gum to share with all her friends.

A call from the FBI

Life is full of surprises and little blessings! I got a call from the FBI today.  I called them last week and ask that they expedite my file so that the Clearance letter on original FBI letterhead would make it in time for court.  They called me today to let me know they located my prints and are processing them now.  They will be in the mail within the next couple of days so will be done in time for court!  Praise God!  So relieved and excited to hear this and so thankful for the FBI worker that took the time out of their busy day to put this mother's heart at ease :)